The Battle (Part 2)

We knew a great battle was unavoidable now. We had managed to avoid the terror of surprise, but I knew that would be little consolation for what was to face us. My heart sank at the thought of Ayna and Sara having to fight my battles, but I knew they would be the main targets of the attack. There was no way I could keep them out of this. Their visions filled my mind: Ayna, with her chin held high in defiant pride alongside Sara with her naïve determination. A tear rolled slowly down my cheek as I internally accepted the fact that I would probably lose one if not both of them soon. I could take on any force of vampire or other such being, but I could not keep twenty or more strong and old vampires occupied. It would probably only take seven or eight of them to stop me long enough for the remainder to attack Ayna and Sara. Both had my blood, but not my experience of war. They would each be up against a number of strong and experienced vampires and I could not see a way to help them.

All we could do was wait.

And the wait was not long. Down the hillside I saw a distant, dark and ominous cloud of pain speeding across the verdant carpet. My eyes were able to make out at least twenty, maybe thirty vampires.

Sara moved to the left side of the field, I stood still in the centre and Ayna moved to the right side. We crouched in anticipation. We had not talked about this as I could not bring myself to consider farewells. And so we remained, like old statues looming over the land, as if we had been there for centuries.

As the cloud came into the field, it did not hesitate on seeing us there, but merely split into three equal forces and continued to race toward their quarry. I cursed, my last hope that they would all focus on me now dashed. I stamped my foot defiantly, angry at their arrogance at not even pausing before attacking.

Before I knew it, they were on me. I threw them off as fast as I could but they were quick, each move carefully coordinated to ensure I was never free to move. I could tell they were highly experienced in battle and they had clearly planned this attack well. Twisting my neck one way and then the other beneath them I spied both Sara and Ayna struggling amid their own mass of assailants. Ayna was fighting hard, and managing to stay on a level footing but Sara was struggling and they were clearly gaining the upper hand.

I threw three off my back at once and ran at two more, knocking them back, as three more jumped on my back. I focused on one and managed to snap his neck, reducing their numbers. They were still all over me but I had managed to gain a metre or so closer to Sara. I called to her but there was no answer. Even more determined, I swung violently at my foes, knocking several of them back and instinctively jumping on their necks, relishing the satisfying snap of bones beneath my boots.

For the first time they paused. I had reduced my attackers to three. I surveyed the situation. Ayna had reduced hers to a manageable five but Sara still had seven upon her and could not be seen. I feared the worst. I raced over toward her. The three assigned to me ran at me but I knocked them back with relative ease and was soon at the seven attacking Sara. As I reached them they jumped up from Sara and I realised I was now facing ten foes, as Sara was motionless, her broken body pushed deep into the ground, her features covered with blood, bones visibly snapped. I could not hear a sound from her.

Before I could move they were upon me. And they were stronger. I sensed they had tasted Sara’s blood and although diluted, they had tasted my blood. I knew they would be slightly disorientated and this was my only chance so I ran at them, grabbing the first two I smashed into, my fingers finding purchase in their eye sockets, the jellied balls plopping out and down their face amid screams. I pulled them to me and with practiced zeal ripped their throats apart with my teeth, throwing the lifeless bodies down on the ground in front of the stilled mob.

Glancing over at Ayna I saw she had brought her total down to four and for the first time I started to believe she might survive this. The eight remaining vampires by me moved forward, but for the first time they moved with great circumspection. I raced toward the one on the edge of their group, dragging him away and into the air, where I cracked his spine over my knee and ripped his belly apart, showering the stunned faces with blood.

Darting down onto their heads I pushed two more from the group and punched through their hearts with separate hands, sending flesh flying into the ones standing beside them. The last five looked at each other and it was clear they had not planned for this situation. They paused briefly before the first turned and ran. The inevitable exodus followed and the last two fighting Ayna turned and ran as well.

I rushed to Sara and Ayna quickly joined me at her side. Gently I pulled Sara’s body from the ground and lifted her onto the soft grass.

“Is she going to be alright?” Ayna asked, horrified by what she saw.

“I think she is”  I replied, a smile forming on my face as I saw Sara’s lip attempt to curl up despite hanging limply from her face.

I bit into my wrist and held it to her face. At first there was nothing and then slowly I felt a gentle sucking before it turned into a faster and stronger flood. As I pulled my wrist away Sara spluttered and tried to speak.

“Hush. Save your strength” I whispered to her, as I lifted her up and carried her to the shower. I cleaned her up and left her to rest on her bed.

Somehow, we had survived.

The Battle (Part 1)

Times had been wonderful really. It sounds clichéd but I really was the happiest I had ever been. My love for Ayna was so strong, yet each day I was surprised how my love for her would surpass the heights of the previous day. And each day that passed her beauty grew, so that every time I saw her I gasped as if it was the first time I was gazing upon her unparalleled beauty. I remember so clearly how stunned I was seeing her sway across the room that morning, her upper body wrapped in royal blue velvet, her legs encased in faded denim, her long dark hair cascading wildly down her back giving off the scent of wild raspberries. Her pale skin shone with a glow and the enticing odour of musky chocolate lingered where she moved. Her eyes were fierce and focused, but the love could be seen. Her lips, always so inviting, sat perfectly on her face, threatening to smile or laugh at any moment.

And of course, as my heart sighed and my eyes grew wide, I should have known that such happiness does not come without a price. If anyone should have known that, it was me. Yet love had made me foolish; allowed me to hope. And that was never a good thing.

The day passed without much to note, but upon my return Ayna was nowhere to be found. I searched the entire house and grounds but there was no sign of her. Even her scent seemed to have disappeared. I moved around frantically wondering where she could have gone. She did not have many places she went to and I was at a loss as to where she could be.

I searched all through the night and eventually I met Lizzie, the wife to Sara. Lizzie had seen Ayna and had unfortunately been bitten by her. I could not believe Ayna would do this to her own half-sister, whom she loved. I knew that something was terribly wrong. I listened to what Lizzie had told me and went to the area she had been bitten. It was not long before I picked up Ayna’s scent, but something was different.

I searched the surrounding areas and suddenly I saw her. Her clothes were torn and her face was smeared with blood and dirt. I froze. I had seen this before. I had seen this when I first met Ayna all those months ago; when she was wild and half-crazy, a vampire alone in the world, a vampire whose maker had left her without even bothering to explain what she was.

I went to try and speak with her, but she was wild and the pain on her face hurt hurtled through me as if I had been stabbed a thousand times. From what I could tell she was having some kind of nightmare. Her worst fears seemed to be real in her head, although I could not see any of the illusions that troubled her so. I tried to hold her but she was so scared and trembling it became impossible. I tried to speak with her but she clearly had no idea who I was. My heart sank and I fell to my knees, as she ran away into the night.

But my brief time with her had left a strange taste in my mouth and an unusual aroma in the air. Then I realised I knew what that scent was. Lucas! Her maker. Yes, he had to have been behind this. That made sense. I had to find Lucas.

I met Sara at that point and together we set off to find Lucas. He was not hard to find, his stench so strong that I could sense him from such a distance. We found him and he tried to run but his speed was no match for either of us. We caught him and I held him, demanding to know what he had done and how to stop it. I was not surprised that he refused to answer our questions. The evil laugh was all I could hear as rage filled my being. Sara asked him as well, and when he did not answer her with anything other than insults and derision, she carefully took his arm off and threw it to the floor. I was amazed at this point when Lucas, despite the pain, continued to refuse to talk. We knew then that there was no way Lucas was going to help us. He would take it to the grave. For now, we let him go. Sara went off to find Ayna, while I collapsed after watching Lucas run away.

Some time later, when I was able to stand, I went to find Ayna again. The idea crossed my mind that whatever ailed her could possibly be cured by my blood. I searched her out and found her again, which was a fairly simple task now considering the wake of death she was leaving behind her without concern for discovery (naturally, I removed all evidence of her journey as I tracked her). When I found her I held her in my arms. There was still no sign that she remembered me. I held her close to me and she did what came naturally to her, biting my neck and letting my blood flow into her grateful mouth. After some time, I realised I would need to drink so I bit into her neck, starting another vampires’ kiss. As her blood flowed into my mouth, mixed with my own, the images came fast into my head. I could see her talking with Lucas, her maker. He had asked her to go away with him and she had refused. I think I smiled at that point. He tried to force her and she easily fought him off. I definitely smiled at this. What he did next took away all my smiles.

My knees felt weak as I saw him pour the poison down her throat. I could hear his laugh as he watched her collapse to the ground, telling her how she would forget everything since she died, how she would be forced to relive her worst nightmares over and over again. And it was the part about there being no cure that really upset me. Then, as the misery was taking over, I heard Lucas in her mind. He was whispering all sorts of disgusting and hurtful things into Ayna’s mind. Concentrating, I blocked them, returning a thought of my own to Lucas, when all of a sudden, for the briefest of moments my mind connected with Lucas. He must have been interrupted and he let his mind open for just a moment. But it was enough. I saw what I needed to see. William and Beatrice!

Like some dark western, these were the guys in black hats. Not that I could ever really wear the white hat. But the point is that while I question whether I am a monster, there is no question as to whether they are. They derive inordinate pleasure from causing me pain. It all made perfect sense. They would have used to Lucas to get to Ayna, knowing she was the thing I cared for most in the world.

But I could not leave Ayna while she was like this. I did not know that Lucas was planning on returning. It was Lizzie who stumbled across Lucas first. He laughed as he saw the fragile being standing in his way, an angry expression on her face, her lips tightly pressed together and her eyes narrowed. But Lucas was surprised when she shocked him with her touch and threw him backwards. Try as he might he could not get past her. Although he was hampered by the fact he now only had one arm. He did manage to bite Lizzie and at one point while she was recovering from a particularly hard kick, he poured some of the poison down Lizzie’s throat. She spat it out instantly but he laughed, pointing out it was already to late. What Lucas did not realise was the fact that Lizzie was immune to such poisons. She thanked him for giving her the potion and ran off to prepare the antidote. Lucas was furious.

In no time at all Lizzie had fed Ayna the antidote and Ayna’s memories came flooding back. As soon as I saw Ayna was alright I sped off to find William and Beatrice.

I searched everywhere but I could not find them. But I was sure that the deserted farm was where they had been staying. I decided to look more closely and I found various oddments and notes. I recognised the pen as William’s. The notes were about army tactics, famous battles. There were also some scribbling about vampires acting in packs. I suddenly realised what new horror they were planning to unleash. This had all been a diversion, They intended to attack us in our home. They had built a small private army of vampires for this very purpose. Around twenty vampires, I guessed, excluding William and Beatrice.

I raced back to tell the others. Ayna was fully recovered already and warily prepared to fight. Lizzie, on the other hand was ecstatic and could not wait for the fight. I knew we had a day or two before they would attack, and Ayna disappeared off into the night to find Lucas. I followed closely, not letting her know I was there, just in case she needed me.

She found him quickly. He was still his usual arrogant self, thinking Ayna was unable to resist him. She easily overpowered him and bit into his neck, draining every last drop from him before she ripped his head off and burned the remains.

We regrouped, and then we waited. It would not be long before they attacked.

A Trial Endured

Time often proves to be unsatisfactory as a gauge of change. Seeing Ayna over such a short period of time did not compliment the actual amount of change that had occurred.

Everything was so enhanced now it was almost unrecognisable. Even her beauty, which had merely brightened the air before, now filled the room with a light so strong one almost had to turn away. Almost. The most macabre trick of them all was that you could not look away, instead preferring to be risk blindness.

When we first kissed it was I that unconsciously floated away from the surface, but now when we kiss I feel myself falling, held up by her might. Don’t misinterpret this as weakness. I am still just as strong and would still give myself a chance in any fight. Instead, interpret this as the effect she has on me. On a being that has withstood the harshest of foes over time, she has this much power. On others, well, let us just say that not many will be left to provide further insight into that.

For now I think it is best to accept that she is simply my equal. Ours is a partnership that should be admired yet feared. Together we represent a strength the like of which has not been wielded on this earth before. But all of this is overshadowed by the power of the love we share.

Yet there is part of me that remains cautious. This voice whispers to me, telling me she will need to go out into the world. But I refuse to listen to that voice, although I realise that this is not my choice to make.

Yes, for now we are together and I hope it will stay that way forever. As I write this my lips have curled up slightly at the thought of hope. A luxury I thought had been lost.

Our strength together has already been tested when we found ourselves facing unseemly odds in Singapore. I remember it was unsettlingly humid despite the thunderstorms. Ayna, despite her strength and knowledge, cowered against me as the skies roared above us. I smiled at this, commenting on how it should be the thunder that was scared of her, but for some reason Ayna was still deeply unsettled by the sounds. I held her in an unperceivable manner off the ground, sheltering her within the folds of my long coat, and covered her ears with my strong hands. Carrying her like this I wound my way around the strange stalls and cosmopolitan bars and restaurants. The lightning in the sky forked its way around us showing the tall dark buildings that encircled us.

As we moved into a sheltered area under the city’s belly, I sensed we were not alone. Out of the shadows a tall character emerged, dressed too well for this style of living. He wore old, anachronistic boots that were clearly well made but noticeably worn through years of wear. Hugging his haggard but tall frame was a long, tailored coat that was thick with years of grime. He had long black hair that was swept back in a slick pony tail. Instantly I could tell he was not human and the three that thought they could not be seen in their shadowy spots by the wall were definitely werewolves.

I showed myself to them, hoping they would sense the danger and leave us alone. But they were unexpectedly assured and did not make any attempt to move out of the way. Preparing myself, I moved to lay Ayna down, but as was typical of her, she forced herself upright to stand by my side, despite the thunder that rolled overhead.

Instead of looking worried the tall one actually smiled at this. I tried to study him closer and as I looked I could see in his eyes that glint that only extremely ancient beings have. He had probably never met anything as old as him before, hence the bravery, however misguided it was.

He nodded his head and the other three stepped out into the misty and dank light.  They moved to circle us so that two were now behind us. In what seemed like only seconds they had changed into their full beast like state. What I took to be their leader watched on. So far he had not changed. As we readied ourselves for the fight I noticed a further eight entering the tunnel, four from each end. The snarling was now deafening, the odds more than anything I had faced before. I was not worried for myself, but for Ayna I could not have been more worried.

If she was scared she showed no sign of it. In fact, it was Ayna that made the first move. Running toward the pack behind us, she leapt high into the air, landing on the back of one of the assailants. All eyes watched as the werewolf lashed around trying to remove her. Ayna calmly snapped its neck then rolled off it toward another, throwing her fist through the creature’s rib cage and pulling its heart out. Throughout it all she smiled. She was actually enjoying this.

I was awakened from this vision by a searing pain down my arm. Turning I saw a werewolf leaping toward me. I evaded it and turned with supernatural speed, moving behind it where I threw it to the floor, ripping its neck with my teeth. Before I could react three more were jumping on me, throwing me against the wall.  I struggled against them, but found that the three of them were too much as I felt my skin being ripped away. I was trying to manoeuvre myself into a position where I could better fight back when suddenly one of the werewolves was thrown back across to the other side of the tunnel.

Standing their proudly with a determined look upon her face was Ayna. I rose quickly and we managed to destroy the two werewolves that were upon me still. I looked down the tunnel, and saw the bodies of six werewolves where Ayna had fought.  Here there were now three bodies and one lay dazed against the wall. I sped over and twisted its neck hearing the satisfying snap as the bones severed. The remaining two turned and ran, leaving just the tall stranger. He smiled again, then with startling speed vanished into the night.

Ayna helped me to my feet. I was badly cut and soaked with blood. I looked at Ayna and she was only scratched at worst. I smiled again. Ayna bit into her wrist and I sucked long and deep, feeling her blood in me once more.

I still do not know who that creature was but I have no doubt our paths will cross again. Yet with Ayna by my side perhaps he will not choose to return.

The Rise of Ayna

Over the last few weeks my love and I have shared many perfect moments. During this small but memorable period I have been witness to many changes in Ayna. It was clear to me from the start that Ayna was special, that she had always been special, but I did not realise just how special she was.

Yes, her looks would have anyone agreeing she was special, but I’m talking so much more than that. The ease with which she learnt new things, the hunger for knowledge, the inner strength: these were just a few of the things that were becoming apparent over time.

Perhaps this is best explained with examples.

I have already mentioned I enjoy sky walking. I have been doing this so long that I forget that I had to learn this skill. I can still remember the painful years I spent trying to learn this art. The main trick was the confidence. Sky walking (the ability to walk across the sky by “stepping on the air”) was controlled by the mind. If the mind was unable to believe you could do it then it became physically impossible. Faith, if you will. As I mentioned, this ability took me years to learn. Ayna, on the other hand, began to learn almost immediately and within just a few weeks started showing me some new tricks.

Just recently, we veered across the night sky to a small, secluded beach in Cyprus that I have come to love. Ayna was able to get there all by herself and took the lead, having only been there once before. This act alone is barely credible, given how difficult it is to keep a sense of direction when you are high within the vastness of the sky, especially at night. As we approached I watched as she landed perfectly with the grace that I have come to expect from her. During the flight I had watched her, the wind throwing her long brown hair back and holding the thin material of her dress to her shapely body. If you could have seen the determination and desire in her eyes as she flew you would have fallen in love with her just as I have. The image she burns on the mind is unforgettable. You could not help but be drawn to her dark eyes that promise infinite joy and love. Those ruby lips that whisper gentle words of love and happiness. Rosy cheeks flushed with adventure and spirit. Her laugh lifts you like a choir of angels singing for your ears alone. Her beauty demands to be noticed, a fact that the revelers on the beach would see.

After landing on the beach, we looked around and found a typically small party of young people drinking by a fire. I favoured this beach because it always seemed to be occupied by small groups of beautiful youths that tasted so sweet. Ayna too had savoured the taste, which was why we were returning. This time she did not hesitate after the tiring journey, and again took the lead in moving over to the crowd. She effortlessly convinced a handsome young man to follow her away from the crowd. The group was making too much noise, as they danced around the fire, to hear the man give out a slightly scared shriek as Ayna bit deep into his neck, draining him delicately but thoroughly of his life blood.

Following Ayna’s lead, I helped myself to two girls that were sitting on the edge of the group, sensually breaking the skin at their throats, both of them too drunk to even realise the danger they were in. I enjoyed them both thoroughly. They both collapsed silently against each other as they died: a sight that would not draw any attention amongst this crowd. We moved amongst the remainder of the group, and quickly tore our way through the rest, before scattering the bodies far out to sea. The journey back was not memorable other than it offered me another chance to gaze upon Ayna as the pride shone again on her face at her new found ability.

Years have been my tormentor and in all that time I have not yet come across a being that can match me in speed or strength. When I first met Ayna she was another that seemed slow by comparison. But after drinking my blood and sharing a vampire’s kiss, she has been rapidly developing. One time recently she ran away and I could not keep up. In addition, her strength is also developing beyond what I would have expected, which I discovered when we were dueling with the pirate cutlasses.

I should mention at this point that after our wedding, my sister Sara gave us both pirate cutlasses. Do not try to understand, but accept this was actually a thoughtful present that we both would enjoy.

For amusement we decided to try the swords out in a duel. My plan was to take it easy on Ayna, and try to avoid hurting her.

The first attack ensued and to my dismay she easily beat me, cutting my arm with her sword. I concluded that perhaps I was making it too easy for her so I started to try harder, but again she outpaced me and drew blood with her incisive strike. I am not the best at losing and the anger rose in me, so I attacked her with my full power and speed, managing to get a slow slice across her leg. Somewhat appeased we faced off again, and I decided to show off, going at her as fast as I could. I was stunned to see her somersaulting over me, landing on my back and slicing my throat with her blade. This was amazing. No-one since Her had challenged me in such a way.

We fought again later and Ayna won three to nothing, and I sensed she was almost playing with me. I did manage to win once, but that was the only time, and it was incredibly close at five to four. If I’m honest, I think Ayna let me have that small victory as she sensed my frustration.

So you can understand why Ayna amazes me. In just a few weeks she has learnt to be quicker, faster and stronger. She sky walks better than me and her mind shows me up more than I care to mention. The love I feel for her is so strong it hurts. This love reduces previous love affairs to mere fancies.

In the last few days she has discovered that by concentrating she can move objects with her mind. This was never something I could do, but since we shared blood in the vampire’s kiss I now find I too can do it, but not as well as Ayna. This again leads me to believe she was something special long before I met her. It is my theory that my blood has woken whatever lay dormant within her.

Needless to say I am just scraping the surface of what Ayna can do. I do not believe I have seen anywhere near her full potential yet. I do not want to guess what she might be but I’m sure many of you will have your own theories. I will watch with adoration as she grows beneath my eyes. This all powerful beauty that still blushes at my words. This gentle goddess.

Together we shall enjoy many more adventures. I will tell their tales as they unfold.

An update on love and the sins it entails

I have been remiss in my musings recently, for which I can only offer my humble apologies and hope you will accept that without requiring more at this juncture.

Much has been happening and I shall attempt to provide you with a suitable update so you can keep track of this monster that I am.

William and Beatrice were visiting when I last wrote. That now seems such a long time ago but the memories are fresh and I shall briefly note these events.

I never doubted that they were there for some reason that would not be for my benefit, but I honestly did not know what exactly they had planned. My worry was not for myself but for Sara. She tasted my blood and so had more strength than would be expected from one so young, but she was still naïve and would be relatively easily fooled, despite my warnings.

The waiting was increasingly disparaging as the days passed without note. As I have mentioned, impatience is a problem I have to live with so this was most irritating. In an attempt to force their hand I sent Sara away for the weekend but still nothing happened. Shortly after Sara’s return, they did confront us. It is still unclear, but I believe they were there purely to cause me pain and suffering. The main part was just flaunting Beatrice under my nose, flaunting her hatred for me. They achieved that and I have to admit it hurt. It was as if the blood inside of me was poison, attacking the veins it sat within.

But I believe they did not plan anything else. It was boredom eventually that drove them to make a move. William riled me to the point where I was distracted and Beatrice then moved to attack Sara. I would have loved to have seen the expression on Beatrice’s face when Sara beat her off, forcing her to flee through the window. I threw William off the grounds as Beatrice fled past him, and they finally left. But I suspect that will not be the last I hear of them. My heart is still heavy to see ones I loved so bitter.

But Sara seemed happy with the outcome, and I was content to be back together, just the two of us. But inside I still yearned for love: not the sibling love that Sara and I shared, but the passionate love that only two hearts that connect could share.

Strangely, my prayers were answered through a friend of Sara’s. A young vampire called Ayna, whose beauty was only matched by her incisive wit and acumen.

I saw her in the distance, but my heart felt the allure long before my eyes. Days passed, and I watched, entranced by the rapture she brought to all, feeling the pain when she was unhappy, sharing the joy when she smiled. I watched as her brown hair fell down her back, carelessly tousled in a feral and innocent beauty. I gazed silently into her soulful eyes as they shone with joyous rebellion and longed for her lips, as they fell suggestively open, ruby and plump with invitation.

As time passed I managed to speak to this raven beauty and heard her voice, ripe with laughter and sensual passion. I saw up close the mirth that flooded her eyes, but also felt the sadness and distance. My loneliness and disappointment was reflected in her and I realised just how much I loved her. At once I knew all else had been a mere taste of the truth. This was to be my first love and my last love.

Over the ensuing days, I was pleased to find we talked more and more and before long I was brave enough to share my feelings. The rapture I felt on hearing they were not unrequited cannot be described in words. It was a rapture like nothing I had felt before. I wanted this darling creature and she wanted me. In no time at all the inevitable happened and for the first time in my life I was married. It seemed right, as this was truly the first time in my life I had wanted to spend the rest of my days with just the one person. I hope these days are many.

By now, I have shared my blood in its entirety with Ayna, who now possesses the potential to be all of me. Already I can tell she will exceed me.  As I learn more about her, watch her grow in front of my eyes, blossom if you will, she continually leaves me surprised and speechless. Things that should take hundreds of years to master take weeks. There is something about her that I cannot explain. Something that suggests she is special: not just to me, which clearly she is; but special in a way that comes along once every few thousand years or so.

Our bloods mingled once again when we shared a vampires’ kiss, each biting the other’s neck simultaneously. As the bloods mingled, all our experiences were shared, all our feelings were bared and all our dreams were felt. It was the most beautiful moment of my existence.

I am guilty of digressing once again. Let me just explain that the happiness she has brought into my life is immeasurable. Of course the misery is not gone altogether. I would not turn my back on an old friend quite so easily. But now there is hope shining through the despair.

Sara continues to amaze as well. She has also recently married and moved in with a beautiful Water Fae called Elizabeth who according to Sara is the most talented person that has ever walked this earth. I can agree that her talents are impressive, but am a little biased in my championing of Ayna for that role. But Sara is happy and Lizzie, as she is known, is a wonderful person, so I too can share their happiness. My house overflows with happiness presently.

Life has been so different. Chainsaws, pirate fights, waterfalls and love. Just a typical evening now. For once misery is just an onlooker in my world. All I can do is thank Ayna for this. Thank you my love.  

I hope our adventures will fill these pages over the coming times. And I hope you will enjoy them as much as we will in living them.

Sweet William

By far my longest period of constancy was with Isabella and Claudine who stayed with me for several centuries. I truly loved them both and was devastated when they both left, one after the other in relatively quick succession. A strange family it would seem.

But my greatest surprise from this family was still to come. William, who I assumed had been long dead by the time of the sisters’ departure, appeared one day as if he had never left. I was laying back on a tree branch like some wild cat in the sun, when I saw him walking along my driveway. I thought my eyes were deceiving me as he approached but he continued to draw closer and soon I could not ignore the reality of the situation.

“William, is that you?”

“Yes, it’s me. I was passing and thought I’d call in” he replied with a large grin on his face.

“But you’re…”

“Alive?”

“Yes. How can it be?”

“You’re not he only beings that don’t die.”

“I realise that. But I thought you were merely human. That was why you were so offended by your sisters’ condition. Wasn’t it?”

“It’s not really that simple. Their ‘condition’ did not ‘offend’ me. I just needed to get away and when you appeared and were able to look after them I took my chance to leave. I thought by doing it that way it would be easier for everyone.”

“So what type of creature are you?”

“I’m not really sure. In many ways I am a vampire, like my sisters, but I do not need to drink blood and I have no fear of the sunlight.”

“That sounds like a blessing in comparison.”

“Not at all. I feed off people’s thoughts. A simple craving for blood would be so much easier.  I am haunted by their thoughts. If I let too many of their thoughts into me then they are left a living vegetable. Now that’s a curse!”

“Should I be concerned?”

“Not at all. I am powerless against vampires or yourself. It is just the weaker humans that are unable to stop me devouring their thoughts.”

“Hmmm. So what brings you here?”

“Like I said. I was just passing.”

“Well, come with me to the house. You are most welcome.”

I led William to the house where he fed and drank and talked of all the adventures he had over the last few centuries. I sat back and listened, amazed at how his appearance had not really changed. But his demeanor had changed considerably. When I met him he had been exquisitely beautiful and purely capable of inspiring love. Now their seemed a harshness to his features, as if the cruelty of time had eroded his beauty, leaving a ragged skeletal frame of the man that once was.

Naturally, I was not stupid, and the idea that he had been just passing was not something I could easily accept. But I decided I would let him tell me in his own time. Clearly something was bothering him.

William stayed for several days. He remained quiet, as if there was something he wanted to say but was too afraid to say it. I waited patiently. Eventually, after only a few weeks had passed, he finally summed up the courage to let me know what had been bothering him so.

I eagerly listened as he started to explain how he had been under intense pressure. How he had met a woman whom he had fallen in love with and how she had used him for her own evil plans. As I listened to the description I knew it was Her that he spoke of. As he continued, he admitted it was he who had sent me the note and laid the trap around Erin, Beatrice and Annette, who had all been killed either by flame or by stake. I had always blamed Her, and I know it was Her ultimately, but the fact that it was my friend that had been the instrument of so much pain was not something I could take in my stride.

I violently pulled myself upright sending the chair and bench across the room and raised my fist in defiance at William. I could see the fear in his eyes.

“You had better leave” I said in trembling anger, “Before I lose what little control I have left.”

“But…” he started to say.

He realised there was nothing he could say at this point.  I don’t know what he expected. Slowly he moved toward the door. He took one look back but the vision of my face must have been enough to spur him on as he started to run. I watched him disappearing into the distance and I prayed I would never meet him again.

But now he has returned once more. As is becoming his calling card, he has arrived with another surprise to shock me further into the grave. Travelling with William is Beatrice who was supposed to have burnt in the fires under the cruel sun. Yet I now realise this too was deceit as she was never at risk. In reality, I can now see she had helped William plan the entire event, ensuring both Erin and Annette were to expire in front of my eyes that day. I do not know what I ever did to cause this. Maybe I will never know. This treachery seems to be more and more prevalent these days. But I do know that behind all of this, as always, is Her severe hand.

So I will patiently await, as I did before, the next revelation that William intends to share with me. Sara, who is still staying with me, has instantly taken a dislike to them both. I think she shows great promise if she could just build her confidence. I do not wear my emotions so visibly, but I do not trust either of them either and I am especially vigilant wile they are here.  If I find out more I will let you know.

Elysian sounds

Signs of change

There has been so much change in my world lately and it has been hard to find time to focus.  I have a permanent guest now. A sister of sorts. And I spoil her. I enjoy that. But it can be exhausting.

She is not the first that has lived with me like this, but she is the first that just seems right. There is nothing between us and we are free to do as we please, but I feel protective of her and would forgive her anything. I do not know where these feelings have come from. I think it is her naivety around this world that makes her so endearing. She was made and then her maker was taken away from her, leaving her alone and without anyone. She had found her grieving boyfriend, and had turned to him for comfort but accidentally took his life as she was not aware of her strength or weakness. This was a being that had only ever known happiness and had only ever learnt to trust, that now faced a world that could never be trusted and where happiness may not ever be found. I recognized that part of her immediately. Very few have ever experienced this. It sounds banal but there is a bond we share. We have not spoken about this and all I try to do is keep her safe and try to provide the happiness she deserves.

I know she is scared and struggling to cope, but she does her best to hide this. I think she believes she is fooling me, and I do not want to ever shatter this illusion. Perhaps in time she will learn to trust again and she will learn to be happy. But her nerves are broken. There is a trail of broken glass and blood stains wherever she goes. I do my best to cover it up and never to speak of it but at the rate she is going I may not be able to keep it up. But they are only things and they do not matter.

On Friday she persuaded me to come out with her. We played the game where it was for my benefit, but I know she needed me there and that is why I agreed. I have given her my ancient blood and so physically she can stand up to most beings and can even face the sun (though not for too long yet) but mentally she is just a child in relative terms. And so I went with her and did the “over-protective brother” thing. She played her part well, pretending to be embarrassed by my presence, but I could see the brief glimpse of panic every time she thought she had lost me. But the dancing was fun and we danced through the night and more when we got home. I refused to admit it but I actually had fun. But I am also finding it tiring. She was fine the next day but I still have not recovered. I hope she finds herself soon.

In the times I have to myself I find I am feeling an intensity of emotional solitude like nothing I have felt before. Seeing the hope in her eyes and the dreams she talks of reminds of how I have so little by comparison. I yearn for a companion that can love me with even the smallest percentage of the love that I have to bestow in return. The days turn into years and still I am alone. I have lost so many lovers that I fear I will be unable to endure any further losses. If I was to lose my sister now I fear that what little there is left of my sanity would follow. But my resolve is strong. I now know that She will not cause me any more harm. And with the strength I have given, she will not be going anywhere soon.

The strangest part of all of his is that I feel like I have known her for so much longer. On seeing her face, I have flashes of memory, too small to hold on to, but flashes as if I knew her before any of this. I will continue to think about this and let you know if I make any sense of it.

I need to go now, but in some small way I believe that the part of me that is doing this has some good in it still. It gives me some hope that perhaps I am not all monster. But I am not willing to commit to that just yet.

Current state of mind

Again I need to pause to reflect on what has occurred. Each episode of my tragic past brings with it pain and anger that is not easy to ignore. As I go over each part of my life I naturally challenge my actions and often leave myself with questions and regrets even I did not know existed. Could I have done more or did I do too much? Why did they leave? Why does She hate me so?

And on entering this state of inner-reflection it has led me to believe that what I desire more than anything is change. This entire exercise is born of frustration and I am searching for a reason; a single event that may explain how I find myself in my current state and what I can do to change it. Perhaps it is an excuse I need, or just the absolution of one that loves me. Either way, it is an inherent weakness that forces me to submit to the will of my emotions. A weakness that has cruelly ruled me for all my time and will continue for what I can only assume will be forever more.

So as I reflect on where I am, I heave a dissatisfied sigh. The facts are in plain view. I have been here for many years and I have experienced far more than most others yet I seem to have learnt very little beyond matters that are of little importance. I find myself alone despite my allure and I find myself in love with another that does not even acknowledge my existence. It strikes me that what I seek is the same as all mortals seek in their own fragile existence: happiness and to be content.

I spend more and more time lying under the moonlit sky, watching the stars glitter against the cool grey background. And I spend this time thinking of her. I don’t know her name (although in my dreams the name Lisa is haunting me) and I don’t really know a lot about her, but what I do know is that we are meant to be together. I pray she will connect with me but I fear this is not likely to be the case. I recognise some of the games she plays but the curse that I currently live under means I cannot contact her unless she contacts me first. Fight as I may against this situation it is what it is. How I came to be under this spell is another story, but it is enough to say that there are forces out there that make my powers seem paltry by comparison. I do not try to get in their way but on occasion I have had no choice but to intervene and I have never fared well on each occasion.

So I hide myself away, wrapped in uncontrollable self-pity, and simply observe. I retreat to my dreams and try to forget the harsh realities that are here. I know all is broken if I can speak with her, but it is out of my power. I have, over the years, come to find solace in music. I use it to sooth my mind and to try to control my moods. Often the lyrics can be so inspirational. Such is the ability to twist and interpret them that I even feel like I am communicating. I know I am fooling myself, but it is as close as I can get. So, like the uninvited vampire of literature, I wait on the outside until my invitation is offered.

But do not be fooled by my demeanor as this is not all of me. And so much more is still occurring. I race on regular occasions, as I have mentioned, and I still feed often. Only two nights ago I lured some unfortunate mortals back to my bed where I fed upon their lives for hours. I always make sure they are unaware of anything and feel no pain, as I have the ability to entrance mortals. But this is merely an act of survival. There is no real emotion tied to this act. I know it will be viewed with horror by many, but I cannot control this. Like the proverbial scorpion that stung the frog carrying it across the water, drowning them both, it is our nature. And I too am drowning. Whilst I do these acts, it is not with the ease of a sociopathic animal, but more with the tenderness and tears of a lover. I feel overwhelming grief and guilt but I cannot stop myself and it is as simple as that. I try to go as long as possible without but eventually I am unable to resist. I do not dwell on this side of me as it disgusts me and I am powerless to change it. But I did warn you that I am a monster and this should never be forgotten.

I thank you all again for your patience as I know this is not helping to explain my life, but in order to continue I do from time to time take these respites and remind all just why I am writing this. I think, however that the reasons for writing this may indeed be shifting as I progress. At first I simply wanted to be judged, but now I realise there is so much more that I need.

I do not get on well without love in my life. This unrequited love is something I find extremely difficult to bear (as I’m sure does everyone), heightened by its unique occurrence. But I will stop here as it is not pity that I want or need. In fact there is nothing I loathe more, including my own self-pity.

It is strange to think that so many episodes in my life have been filled with joy and laughter, yet these moments never seem so important in hindsight. Indeed, it seems that the more tragic the tale, the more memorable it is to me. I do not intend the story of my life to be so tragic but I know it must appear that way as I have left out the happier times. But I have been happy. I was so happy with Lorin, and I was excited by Isabelle and Claudine. The years spent with Erin, Annette and Beatrice were happier than I deserve, but as with all these times, the ending is what I remember most. I wish this was not the case; that I could simply ignore the end and remember the times before that; but I cannot. What I remember the most is the fear or hate that filled their eyes just before their ends.

I appreciate the details of these happier times do not readily surface in my writing, but this is planned as I am racing to get to the end of what I see as pivotal moments in my past. Perhaps when I reach the end of my journey I will return and fill in these details. But for the now I am still travelling and I hope you will say with me.

I will relate more of my past very soon.

Racing against the sun

One of the few pleasures that I still exercise is racing. Never on foot, as this tended to be rather an easy win, but it started on horseback. This was obviously before any sort of engine was around and horseback was the only way to travel (apart from my unique methods). I miss those days sometimes as they always seemed to bring about a certain romance although the wretched beasts could be hugely annoying and cumbersome at times as well.

More recently, the car and now even the motor cycle has become a great tool for pursuing my hobby. The races are not the legal sort on a track but instead take place on real roads amid real people. It is the fact that the obstacles are so unpredictable that makes this so enjoyable. Unfortunately, I’m the fastest but also the one that crashes most often. I never lose…just sometimes I finish a little early.

But there was one race where I was on my own and that was the worst race I have ever had to run. At the time I was blessed with three lovers. All three were vampires I had met over the years and their enduring love was something I was starting to get used to. There were no foolish emotions such as jealousy that got in the way and I truly loved them all equally.

Erin was the youngest. Her curly blonde hair fell down her gaunt face and her gentle nose and ripe lips hung from her face perfectly. Her bold blue eyes shone like sapphires as they drew you in. When she spoke, which was not often, it was like an angelic choir had ordained to sing just for you. In many ways she was so innocent, having been made just after her nineteenth birthday by some ignorant vampire that left her for dead. She had not seen much outside her house before that, spending all her time tending for her sick father, who was killed by this cruel vampire. I believe the vampire’s name was Daniel but I don’t think that is important. I had found her near dead and crying over her dead father’s body. The scene moved me so I let her drink from me. She looked at me with those blue eyes and I was smitten. She fell for me in the same way and has been with me ever since. But she dares not venture far from the home still. I guess sometimes the human frailties can be carried over.

Annette was older than Erin in appearance although younger in years. She had been twenty five when she had been made some forty years earlier. She had been living in the shadows and had become quite feral when I met her. Her appropriate fiery red hair fell down her back. Her skin was pale, almost opaque, and her lips were the deepest crimson I had ever seen. She had attacked me one night when I was walking home and had managed to knock me over in my surprise. As I pushed her off she pounced again and again and I remember being stunned at just how persistent she had been. I eventually pinned her down when it became apparent that she was not ever going to back down. As I held her beneath me for a small moment I noticed the woman beneath the harsh exterior and she was beautiful. As she continued to pound against my chest I continued to hold her and we lay there all night. Just before day break I quickly lifted her off the ground and raced her back to my house. She did not take to the walls at first but over time she learnt to all it home. She seemed to respect me more than love me, but again over time my love for her was enough for her respect to become love.  And I would never find a loyalty as true as Annette’s.

Finally there was Beatrice. She was the elder of the three in all ways and a fine woman. Of aristocratic origin she had been seduced by a vampire masquerading as part of the nobility. He had made her one night but had then been hunted and killed by the family and servants. She had mourned for days until eventually she had determined to run away. Her movement was full of grace and her slender body disguised her inner strength and conviction. She was well educated and quite breathtakingly beautiful. Her voice was so soothing that it washed away all pains and evil thoughts with just the slightest whisper. I had met her when she was on her own and struggling to cope with her new found role in life. At first I intended just to show her how to survive, but it became unavoidable that I would fall for her beauty in vision and in character. So I brought her back with me where she stayed for many years.

We lived happily like this for what must have been over a hundred years and if anything the love we all felt for each other was stronger at the end than at the start.

One day I received news that my estate in France was under attack and I made plans to go ad help them. I said my farewells and left the ladies who were more than capable of surviving without me for a couple of days.  I knew something was wrong when I found the estate in France to be at rest as usual.

I rushed back only to find all three gone and a note from Her held to the door by a bejeweled dagger. The note explained how it was time to prove my love. Detailed instructions were left on how to find all three who were chained to a tree in different parts of the world. They would not survive the sun’s rays when they appeared and my only hope was to get to them first.

Leaping high into the sky I raced across continents, leaving the sun behind m all the way. My first stop was Annette. As I drew close I could hear her wild screams and I flew with the wind to her feet. She was there but as I approached her now darkened skin burst into flame. All I remember was the fire in her eyes that would never go out. I wanted to weep and to rage against the cruel sun, but I knew I did not have time.

Cursing as I dived once more into the air I raced to where Beatrice was held, but again it was too late. Her smoking remains were there as proof I had not been fast enough.

I could barely stand under the pain but I forced myself to race on for Erin. And as I drew close I was surprised to see she was still alive. I rushed in and broke the chains and pulled her from the tree. The sun was coming fast so I covered her under my cloak and carried her away to the safety of a nearby building. I was so ecstatic at finding Erin unharmed that as we locked in immortal embrace I did not sense Her approaching. As I kissed Erin the love in her eyes slowly turned to despair. I did not know what was wrong until I saw the blood coming from her mouth. Then I saw Her. Standing over Erin with cruel pride, bloody blade in Her hand. She had pierced Erin’s heart and there was nothing I could do. Erin would probably survive, but she would ever feel love again. She would be no more than an animal now. I could not let this happen so I gently twisted her neck as my tears poured onto her dying face.

Before I could do anything else She had gone. Now, every time I race I feel I am racing to save my three loves. I can never be fast enough. But one day I dream I will save them all.